It is true. I had been a life-drawing (or figure-drawing) model for about 2 years. Yes, nude. It was during a time when I was depressed and needed a boost in self-confidence, particularly confidence in feeling that I was beautiful as a woman, as a human; that even if the man I lived with at the time did not desire me, it was not because I was fundamentally unattractive. I needed to believe that I was not ugly.
(Pic credit: The Gor Project – 3: Photograph of a model attired as a Gorean “kajira” (slave-girl), wearing a Gorean “camisk” garment by Marcus J. Ranum)
It would have been easy to go to a random bar each night, find one-night-stands and numb myself into believing that I was sexually attractive, but that would probably have been damaging to my sense of pride and dignity later on. I needed a “clean” sort of ego-boost. Denial of sex from the man I wanted made me question my raw sexual appeal. I had convinced myself that there was no beauty in my body, which was why I (believed) I failed so miserably in making him desire me.
I guess at the bottom of my heart, as shattered and blackened as it was at the time, there was still a tiny seed of hope. I might not have the charms to make all men love me, but surely, I could not be that ugly.
Posing nude at art classes as a life-drawing model lifted my confidence. It was physically “hard work” as well: thinking of new poses every 15-30 seconds, 1-5 minutes (for shorter sessions) and holding an interesting pose for longer sessions that lasted from 15-30 minutes made you rediscover muscles you never knew you had.
If you want to find out more about life-drawing modelling as a living, I recommend this book:
It was not the route that I had chosen, but those 2 years of modelling made me believe that I was good: not just “beautiful” (because there is beauty in all human bodies from an artist’s perspective), but that I was able to come up with interesting (sometimes even described as “wacky”) poses for artists. That was a compliment towards my creativity, of my ability to inspire. That was truly ego-boosting.
My life-drawing modelling experiences found their way (always as a positive, healing, affirming experience) in two of my books: Almond Scent, a lesbian erotic romance, and my latest M/F erotic novelette, Through His Lens. I’ve truly enjoyed writing both of these stories.
If you ever want to try out a part-time job that is satisfying in a completely new (but truly all-encompassing) way, life-drawing modelling might be an option. Be sure to contact genuine art studios or art schools, though. Safety first. Always.